psychology

The 10 keys to deal with emotional pain

A practical guide to restore our emotional balance.

In recent years, research has shown that the regions involved in physical pain processing are the same as those related to emotional pain and social distress.

What seems to indicate that emotional pain is a great suffering for the person who suffers. Rejection by the couple or sudden changes in life, among other situations, can trigger us to break with the present, the result of a great emotional burden that can sink us. Therefore, emotional pain can cause serious problems in the day today.

The emotional pain that each individual suffers is different

Each person feels emotional pain in their own way, and as I said, it can be caused by different phenomena: a  breakup of a couple, a change of city, the dismissal of a job, etc. Whatever the reason, it is usually caused by not knowing how to manage the change of life and by not having the necessary resources to deal with the new situation. And of course, as each one confronts the situation in their own way, some people can say to themselves that this pain is justified, without facing it. Others, however, take it seriously and try to get out of the situation they are in as soon as possible.

Experience usually makes us see emotional pain as part of learning for life, but what is the best way to overcome emotional pain? Below you can learn ten ways to overcome emotional pain.

1. Recognize the pain you are feeling

The first step to change is to recognize what happens to you. Society presses us in such a way that we have come to believe that emotional pain only happens to weak people. That is false, emotional pain is part of life. Some individuals will try to get rid of the problems of the environment without facing reality, something that only masks emotional suffering, because, in reality, it will still be there. Therefore, recognizing emotional pain is necessary to move forward.

2. Be loving with yourself

In several articles, we have already talked about the benefits of loving yourself, because that makes you a much more prepared person to face problems. And to love oneself means that you treat yourself with affection and that you understand that you are not perfect. In fact, perfectionists suffer great emotional pain. Being affectionate with yourself is the second step to overcoming emotional pain.

3. Be honest with yourself and with others

Being honest with yourself and recognizing that you have intense emotional pain that affects your well-being may not be enough. Sometimes, you will also need the support of the people around you. Emotional pain, when it has not been overcome, can lead to behaviors that other people may not understand. Therefore, it may be good to share your feelings with the people closest to you. They will support you and understand you so that you can overcome this situation as soon as possible.

4. It is normal that there are people who do not understand you

Some people may not understand your feelings or why you are suffering. Generally, sensitive people or people who have gone through similar situations are more knowledgeable about the subject. Do not worry, this is also normal. The emotional intelligence is a skill that does not dominate the whole world and also there are people who are not as mature emotionally. But calm, sure there will be empathic people who know how to put themselves in their place.

5. Save as a treasure those who understand you and love you unconditionally

These painful situations can have their positive side. One of them is that you really realize the people that are worth keeping. So, in those bad times, recognize your true friends and keep them. Because if you need them in the future, they will still be there for you.

6. When you are ready, take your time to find out the reason for the pain

You have already recognized that emotional pain exists and that it is something normal, so you have accepted it and treat it with love. You have people around who love you and who will be by your side. Now it’s time to know exactly what it is that causes emotional pain. If you have a solution, do your best to remedy it.

7. If you can not do anything about it, accept it and keep loving it more than ever

But it will not always be remedied what causes you emotional pain, and those are the most complicated situations to overcome. Even so, if it is not within your reach to remedy it, you must accept things as they are to continue loving you. Remember that, in the most complicated moments, you should practice self-pity. This seems simple but it is not easy. The Mindfulness can help in these cases.

8. Overcoming it requires your own will

As I said in the previous point, treating oneself with love requires will. Some crises can mark our existence and our life, which can cause us to feel that there is a before and after of these bitter or painful situations. But, although they are hard times, we must extract the teachings that contain these stages of growth. This requires will.

9. Take control of your life

When you are having a bad time, you usually believe that everything bad happens to you. You may also think that you are worthless. Put aside these negative thoughts that destroy you and take charge of your life. Empower yourself in front of the day today. Do activities that you like to do and that you may have abandoned and, in addition, look for realistic goals and fight for them. Only in this way will you find meaning in your life.

10. If you can not overcome it alone, go to the psychologist

Emotional pain may be the result of a more serious problem, such as depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Therefore, you may need to go to a psychologist to guide you and help you get out of this situation that is causing you great emotional pain. But remember, you are the person who has to overcome it, and the psychologist will only provide you with the tools you need to carry it out.

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Andy Johnson

Degree in Psychology from the University of Buenos Aires. Master in Human Resources and expert in business communication and coaching. Postgraduate in Nutrition and Sanitary and Social Feeding by the UOC. Especially interested in wellness and sports.

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