Love. Many ingredients for an unknown recipe. Years ago, a renowned psychologist wanted to prove that affection and affection could be a laboratory element. He did it through a questionnaire capable of connecting two people to infinity. Love, therefore, could have 36 ingredients
Valentine. Phrases and beautiful words. Hearts via WhatsApp. Round trip getaways. Give and be given. Broken wraps typical of the shopping center. Songs. “We learn to love not when we find the perfect person, but when we get to see a perfect person imperfectly .” More phrases and nice words.
The quote, from the American writer Sam Keen, lets fall that part of the loving process happens to know well the other person, discover the most human side and the most detestable manias, something that can take months, years, decades.
In less than an hour, and with the right questions, you can fall in love and fall in love with a stranger. This can be summarized in the experiment carried out in 1997 by Arthur Aron, a psychologist, an expert in interpersonal relations at the State University of New York (USA). To do this, Aron developed a questionnaire that consisted of 36 questions that managed to generate a very high degree of intimacy with the other person, which led to falling in love as such.
The experiment, which got two strangers to fall in love, was forgotten until the writer and teacher Mandy Len Catron rescued him for his article in ‘The New York Times’. In it, he tells how he fell in love after raising the 36 questions of Aron. The idea was to test if love could be developed in a ‘laboratory’.
So, what are the questions? Before reading them (putting them into practice is up to each one) several aspects are recommended: that the other person is a complete stranger , devote between 45 and 50 minutes (about 15 minutes for each block of questions and dedicate four to look at eyes to the interlocutor) and try to be honest in the answers.
1. If you could choose anyone in the world, who would you invite to dinner?
2. Would you like to be famous? How?
3. Before making a phone call, do you rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. For you, what would a perfect day be like?
5. When was the last time you sang alone? And for another person?
6. If you could live to be 90 years old and have the body or mind of someone 30 years old during the last 60 years of your life, which of the two options would you choose?
7. Do you have a secret ‘gut feeling’ about how you are going to die?
8. Say three things that you think you have in common with your interlocutor.
9. What aspect of your life do you feel most grateful for?
10. If you could change something in how you were educated, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes to tell your partner the story of your life with as much detail as possible.
12. If tomorrow you could get up enjoying a new skill or quality, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you ask?
14. Is there anything you have wanted to do for a long time? Why have not you done it yet?
15. What is the greatest achievement you have achieved in your life?
16. What do you value most in a friend?
17. What is your most valuable memory?
18. What is your most painful memory?
19. If you knew that in a year you will die suddenly, would you change anything in your way of life? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. How important is love and affection in your life?
22. Share alternately five characteristics that you consider positive from your partner.
23. Is your family close and loving? Do you think your childhood was happier than that of others?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25. Say three sentences using the pronoun “we”. For example, “we are in this room feeling …”.
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone to share …”.
27. If you were to become a close friend of your partner, share with him or her something that would be important for him to know.
28. Tell your partner what you liked best about him or her. Be very honest and tell him things you would not say to someone you just met.
29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life with your interlocutor.
30. When was the last time you cried in front of someone? And alone?
31. Tell your interlocutor something you already like about him.
32. Is there anything that seems too serious for you to joke about?
33. If you were to die tonight without the possibility of talking to anyone, what would you regret not having said to anyone? Why did not you tell him so far?
34. Your house is on fire with all your possessions inside. After saving your loved ones and your pets, you have time to make a last incursion and save a single object. What would you choose? Why?
35. Of all the people that make up your family, which death would seem more painful? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your interlocutor to tell you how he or she would have acted to solve it. Ask him also how he thinks you feel about the problem you have told.
If the questionnaire works, what would be the question number 37?