Relations

How to End a Relationship in 9 Steps (Without Hurting)

Ending a relationship with a loved one – boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife – is undoubtedly one of the most stressful, stressful and emotionally moving situations.

However, it is often preferable that the relationship ends, especially if it is toxic, rather than continuing with a life of unhappiness and dissatisfaction, plagued by endless arguments and conflicts.

Then I will explain how to end a long relationship without hurt, either lovers, boyfriends or couples established for years.

It is not easy to break the relationship (even more if you have been together for years) and communicate it to the other person, but if you find yourself in this situation, these 10 steps can be a very useful guide to deal with the problem.

10 steps to end the relationship

1-You must be sure of your decision

Before deciding something as important as the end of a relationship, you have to meditate deeply.

All couples go through stages of crisis, and some can emerge strengthened from such stages. Consider talking with your partner about the conflicts that arise, trying to find a solution.

When you do, talk about how you feel about this or that fact or situation, instead of talking about the facts themselves. Try to listen to what the other person has to say without thinking about what you are going to answer while you are listening. Try to put yourself in the other person’s place.

Sometimes, couples therapy can help improve communication and overcome conflicts.

Try to identify what you want in a couple and think if you really could find what you want in your current partner.

Keep in mind that falling in love is always over and when that happens, you begin to see the other person’s flaws and the problems appear, but after this stage, a deep and mature love can also arise.

You should not make the decision to end a relationship when you feel angry. It must be a decision thought for a time, without being dominated by emotions such as anger or resentment.

Finally, if you have meditated well, if you have already exhausted the resources to save the couple and the problems continue, if you are really determined to put an end to the relationship, then there is nothing more to think except an adequate plan so that everything ends in the best possible way, although without doubt there will be sadness and pain on both sides.

2-Do not destroy the relationship before ending it

Accenting conflicts and arguments by trying to get more excuses to conclude the relationship with your current partner or even trying to make it the other person who decides to end is not a good idea.

The jealousy, complaints and reproaches will surely lead to the end of the relationship, but it will be an unnecessarily painful way. You should not try to take responsibility or blame on your partner trying to cover your own.

Many relationships end after a long road of agony. After this slow erosion, suddenly one of the members of the couple realizes how unhappy he feels.

Behind this situation, in general, there are many carelessness, disrespect, arguments, and reproaches, which were given over time and ended up destroying the relationship.

Do not prolong this agony. If you really want to end this situation, then it’s time to end it for good.

3-Talk personally and privately

Without a doubt, it would be an act of cowardice to leave a person on the phone and with only a few words. Or worse, by text message, especially if it was a serious relationship of a certain time.

You will have to tell them personally (unless you fear a violent reaction from the other person) and in an appropriate place. It is a bad drink without a doubt, a very uncomfortable situation, but it is the only worthy way to do it.

It is not a good idea to be in either house because an unpleasant scene could be mounted.

The best would be a public place, but not too crowded. If you go to a restaurant or a cafe, for example, and the other person reacts badly (which is to be expected), it is also possible that you set up a scene that you will want to forget.

A good place could be, for example, a somewhat secluded place in a park or a square.

4-Plan the details

Improvising in these types of situations is not a good idea either. Plan the place where you will tell it and even the moment.

If you tell him in the morning, both will feel bad all day. They may have to go to work or study later, and emotions will not allow them to perform adequately in these activities. Maybe it’s better to tell him in the afternoon, after leaving work.

Fridays or Saturdays can be a good option, as both will have a weekend to begin accepting the new situation and to process the corresponding duel.

Try not to be on a special date, such as traditional holidays, a birthday or the day of lovers. And of course, do not tell it in a place that has meant something important to the couple, like the place of the first kiss or something similar.

5-Clarity and honesty

According to a study conducted by psychologists at the University of Kansas, “open confrontation” is the least stressful way to end a relationship.

Telling the other person clearly that the relationship has come to an end, even if it sounds like something very negative, is the best option, because the message is internalized more easily by the other person, due to its clarity and sincerity.

First of all, when you convey your intention to end the relationship of both, you must be very clear and sincere about your wishes, expressing yourself with respect, without reproach, without blaming yourself or the other person for the breakup.

At the same time, there has to be firmness in your words and you should not back away from feelings of guilt or compassion. Surely the other person will be angry or saddened alot, and you should be prepared for these reactions.

You can show empathy with the feelings you are provoking in the other person, but do not apologize for the decision you have made.

Do not give him any hope that the separation will only be for a while, if you really do not think so.

Avoid listing a long list of reasons why you think the relationship should end. Just go to the point, tell the general reason why you think both have reached this situation where they can no longer be a couple, and that’s it.

And please, do not use phrases. These are never sincere because they can not reflect the particular situation of each one, so do not say things such as “it’s not you, it’s me” or “you’ll surely find someone special” or “maybe we can be friends”.

That will only make things worse, because they will not be honest words.

6-Keep calm

It is likely that the other person reacts by showing a lot of anger, or a deep sadness. It is possible that during the meeting, these emotions alternate.

You must be prepared to hear screams, reproaches or sobs. Keep calm, try to observe the situation as if you were alien to it and stay alert to the reactions of the other person.

Keeping calm will help you control the situation and end the last meeting that you will have as a couple at the right time and in the best possible way.

For example, if your ex is furious and starts to make a fuss, you can say “it does not make sense for us to scream, the decision is already made and it will not change, although we can talk about it if you calm down.”

But obviously, to be able to handle this type of situation, you must be calm yourself.

7-Assume your share of responsibility

Do not try to blame the other person for the failure of both as a couple. In a break, both have responsibilities to take on, always.

Although you will clearly state why you have made the decision not to continue with the relationship, the responsibility will be of both and on the other hand, you are also totally responsible for the decision you have made.

Having this very clear will also help you not feel guilty and maintain a state of calm that will allow you to control the situation.

8-Do not back off

Surely you’ve ever heard someone who apparently was “determined” to leave your boyfriend or girlfriend, but after the meeting where everything was supposed to end, it turns out that both continue together, although they do not seem very happy.

This can happen if the one who wants to end the relationship is overcome by feelings of compassion or pity towards the other person. Guilt can also play a trick in this regard.

Therefore, it is important to be very sure of the decision and then not back down, even if you feel sorry for the other person or for the end of a relationship that maybe at some point you thought it would be for the rest of your life.

If you had already thought about it and had made a decision, do not let pity prolong a situation that only brings unhappiness and dissatisfaction. You must continue with your plan, end this relationship and begin to forget to start a new stage.

9-Forgive and forgive

As in all areas of life, failure is painful. Accepting that the relationship can not continue, whatever the reasons, will cause sadness and grief on both sides, and probably also anger and resentment.

As mentioned above, both have a responsibility in what happened and accept that you were wrong and that the other person was also wrong is the first step to forgive and thus get rid of anger and pain.

We are human, we are wrong and we have to forgive ourselves to be able to give ourselves a new opportunity, not only in relationships between couples but in all areas of life.

Accepting the fact that erring is human and being able to forgive others for their mistakes, and for oneself for which you have been able to commit, will free you from many negative feelings and help you to turn the page and start a new stage in your life.

Think of the following. People adopt certain attitudes and make certain decisions taking into account the circumstances of the moment. Later, they may be able to see things from a new perspective, which they did not have before.

But they can not be blamed for having acted in this or that way in the past, because at that time they simply thought that it was the best or simply acted according to what they felt at that moment.

The only thing that can be done is to accept the consequences of the mistakes that you have made, forgive yourself and also forgive the other person for the attitudes that may have influenced the relationship to end (be it infidelities, negative attitudes or problems). of behavior).

10-Keep the distance

Once the relationship is over, you have to dial a certain distance. It does not make sense to keep talking about the same things, for example, about the reasons that led to the break.

No calls or text messages that are not strictly necessary. You should not be interested in the activities that the other person has or allow your ex to invade your private life wanting to know what you do at each moment of the day.

This is fundamental to make it very clear that the relationship ended, that it will not continue and that nothing can be done about it.

If you have friends in common or go to the same gym for example, try to coordinate meetings and schedules so that you do not have a chance to meet the other person.

Return the belongings that were left in one or the other house (or both, if they lived together) as soon as possible, to really begin the grieving process that follows the end of a relationship.

Naturally and despite having followed all these steps, you will feel very sorry for a few days. Give yourself the opportunity to release these feelings through crying, and after a few days, you will feel better.

And you when you have finalized a relationship how you have done it? I’m interested in your opinion Thank you!

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Dipsita Thakkar

I am passionate about communication, studying human behavior and getting lost anywhere. I help you overcome your fears and transform your social life with the science of social skills.

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